In the category of learning from our mistakes, I can tell you first hand that a simple rule of thumb will save you major stress and the need to repair connections with people. Here it is: If you are angry, frustrated, stressed, fuming, confused or otherwise not in a clear and calm state of mind and you have just written a blistering e-mail...do not press send! Save it in draft. Cool down. Look at it in the next day or the next hour if time is of the essence. Chances are good that you will edit, sweeten, expand and make palatable your missive!
Currently I'm one of the recipients of a group e-mail that should have been saved in draft! As it turned out the author had not found out the facts before launching into a tirade of shame and blame towards members of an organization.
Now, of course, I'm sure he'd like to shrink and disappear as the replies ("reply all") are coming in. His facts were incorrect and he'd made huge assumptions. Ouch.
One of the best parenting tips I ever received was to ask your child "when I said (fill in the blank) what was your understanding of that?" It was astonishing that what I thought I said was not in any way what my son had understood. The same goes for adults! Its a wonderful question, "what was your understanding of our arrangement?"
In business or personal relationships it will save so much grief if first you ask for clarification before jumping to concussions. In the case I'm talking about, a few private e-mails questioning why certain people did not attend a training would have saved a tremendous load of heartache and embarrassment all around.
So...put this to music: "If in doubt, don't send it out!" And for the second verse, "And for pity sake don't send it out to copied to the masses!"
Currently I'm one of the recipients of a group e-mail that should have been saved in draft! As it turned out the author had not found out the facts before launching into a tirade of shame and blame towards members of an organization.
Now, of course, I'm sure he'd like to shrink and disappear as the replies ("reply all") are coming in. His facts were incorrect and he'd made huge assumptions. Ouch.
One of the best parenting tips I ever received was to ask your child "when I said (fill in the blank) what was your understanding of that?" It was astonishing that what I thought I said was not in any way what my son had understood. The same goes for adults! Its a wonderful question, "what was your understanding of our arrangement?"
In business or personal relationships it will save so much grief if first you ask for clarification before jumping to concussions. In the case I'm talking about, a few private e-mails questioning why certain people did not attend a training would have saved a tremendous load of heartache and embarrassment all around.
So...put this to music: "If in doubt, don't send it out!" And for the second verse, "And for pity sake don't send it out to copied to the masses!"
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